Khira Chronicles - The redemption of Eleannor

"Mother?!"

Mixed feelings built inside of Khira for having her mother standing right in front of her after such a long search.
She slowly took in her wounds, the emaciated look on her skin showing just how little she had fed for some time, weeks or maybe even months. She watched how Frederick gravitated around her in a protective stance and how much his expression still showed the love he had for her.
She opened her lips to say something and all that came out was a hoarse voice adding to Khira's suspicion of her mother being underfed.

"Eleannor, you should not try to speak just now. First you need to feed and rest, then there will be time for you girls to discuss whatever needs to be discussed." said Frederick while almost giving in to caress Eleannor hair falling down her shoulders.

Khira was lost for words, she felt anger for the woman who had casted her out and still all she wanted was to hold her and make whoever wounded her so severely pay for every scratch.

"Who did this?" she was able to ask while trying to collect herself from giving in to the sanguinary impulses that gave her the name she hated to be called.

Frederick hesitated and stared from Morgan to Eleannor as if looking for guidance. He was clearly nervous about whatever he was going to say and the anger inside Khira only stirred even more.

"Who?" She spoke with a growling tone added to her voice, unable to hide the animalistic urges and violence creeping into her blood every time her eyes headed on her mothers injuries direction. "Do not tempt me, I am not called the Sculptress for no reason..."

Eleannor cringed and mumbled the last word she had been waiting to hear "Mutts".

Morgan laughed loudly causing every one in that room to stare at her and started pacing in front of the door with a very sarcastic grin on face.

"So the mighty Eleannor Kiergarten, ruler of the pure casts of vampire and leader of the Elder council was trapped and defeated by wolves?" Morgan laughed one more time leaving them all confused. "That means war, daddy Fred... You know it means war."

"Morgan, it means retaliation not war. Calm down your hatred and blood thirst" Frederick said.

Khira growled and pressed her fangs together so hard it was hearable. She moved closer to Eleannor and kneeled at her feet before taking her pale hand into hers.

"Mother, I do not love you but in some way I do not hate you as well. I may never forgive you for giving me away and casting my out but not because of power, but because you refused me of being raised by you as my mother and giving me the love all children crave..." Her voice grew a bit hoarse, she licked her bleeding gums and continued. "But nevertheless, you are my mother and I will kill whoever did this to you."

Frederick moved in front of them with a concerned look on his face.

"You can't. Not now... Your mother is in enough danger as it is by being here. Queen Eunice will not like to know that official royalty is in her domain. Fragile as she is now Khira, she can't be left unattended and your blood is hers, it will work much faster than mine or Morgan's."

"Two days and I'll go hunt them down."
"I casted you out... to keep... you... safe... from the court. I promise I will explain... Thank you Khira, I do not deserve your vengeance or help. You are kind..."

"Not thanks to your guidance and teachings." Snarky Morgan spoke before leaving the room. "These people make me sick. I'll do all the hard work. " And with that she took off to find the warehouse where Eleannor had been trapped.

Bits and Pieces - A man who compels my strength

"I,
with a deeper instinct choose a man who compels my strength,
who makes enormous demands of me,
who does not doubt my courage or my toughness,
who does not believe me naive or innocent,
who has the courage to treat me like a woman."

Anais Nin

Bits and Pieces - Thoughts about Pablo Neruda (in PT)

Quem me conhece bem sabe que sou uma romântica incurável.
Apesar de ser uma mulher independente e do século XXI, que vejo a ideia da supremacia masculina como a mentira mais bem contada e disfarçada da história, não deixo de apreciar os gestos de romantismo "old school".
Todo o meu fascínio pelo "Drácula" de Bram Stoker passa um pouco por aí.
Gosto da ideia de ser seduzida, que me ofereçam flores, me levem a ver um pôr-do-sol, que me cantem ao ouvido ou sussurrem coisas bonitas, que me surpreendam com as coisas mais simples e banais mas que demonstram afecto e carinho.
Durona sim, mas não deixo de ser mulher mesmo que seja com a "sensibilidade de um calhau", expressão muito popular na minha boca desde que me lembro.

Talvez com a idade esteja a ficar mais "soft", dou por mim a mudar e onde estava a destemida Sofia às vezes encontro uma assustada Ana. Talvez por isso me sinta mais sensível do que era antes.
Mas esta intro toda porquê? Já vai fazer sentido.

Em conversa com uma amiga surgiu o tema "Pablo Neruda" e causou uma enorme surpresa o facto de eu nunca ter lido de forma aprofundada a obra deste senhor.
Tendo eu uma forte veia de romantismo gótico como é que era possível que assim fosse.
Na altura não respondi mas tentarei explicar agora.

O meu caro amigo Pablo fala de amor como eu percepciono o amor e lê-lo na fase mais "emo" da minha vida seria impensável. Vivia demasiado absorvida pelo meu próprio sofrimento e mágoa, quase como se fosse uma droga que me alimentava o espírito criativo de uma forma egoísta e egocêntrica.
Agora já consigo lê-lo e apreciar, deixar-me comover com as belas palavras que escreve.

Deixo convosco dois dos seus trabalhos o primeiro entitulado "Saudade" e o segundo "Quero-te Apenas Porque a Ti Eu Quero".

Espero que gostem e deixem-se levar pelo sentimento que ele expressa.

Saudade

Saudade é solidão acompanhada,
é quando o amor ainda não foi embora,
mas o amado já...

Saudade é amar um passado que ainda não passou,
é recusar um presente que nos machuca,
é não ver o futuro que nos convida...

Saudade é sentir que existe o que não existe mais...

Saudade é o inferno dos que perderam,
é a dor dos que ficaram para trás,
é o gosto de morte na boca dos que continuam...

Só uma pessoa no mundo deseja sentir saudade:
aquela que nunca amou.

E esse é o maior dos sofrimentos:
não ter por quem sentir saudades,
passar pela vida e não viver.

O maior dos sofrimentos é nunca ter sofrido.

Quero-te Apenas Porque a Ti Eu Quero

Não te quero senão porque te quero
e de querer-te a não querer-te chego
e de esperar-te quando não te espero
passa meu coração do frio ao fogo.

Quero-te apenas porque a ti eu quero,
a ti odeio sem fim e, odiando-te, te suplico,
e a medida do meu amor viajante
é não ver-te e amar-te como um cego.

Consumirá talvez a luz de Janeiro,
o seu raio cruel, meu coração inteiro,
roubando-me a chave do sossego.

Nesta história apenas eu morro
e morrerei de amor porque te quero,
porque te quero, amor, a sangue e fogo.

Bits and Pieces - Elements

Step by step I feel it creep inside my skin, shred my bones to ash as the righteous hammer of destiny. 

Hard, frozen, blown and burning, all at the same time consuming the pieces that try to hang on to my lost soul, the pieces that keep me trapped in a cruel vicious loop of fear and defeat.

I kneel with my knees buried in the soft earth. It holds me down and caresses me, soothes the scarred knees of the wounds inflicted by lost passions, dreams and desires.

The rain comes and carries away the stains of blood lingering in my emaciated skin, washes away all the disease and putrid remains of your lies and misdirections given to me in the maze that was my love for the idea of you.

I feel it now… I am so close now. I feel it brush my skin and drag my hair in its steady blow, so fresh and perfumed by the scents of a new world out there. The mix of sea breeze with green grass fields  and wet dirt. The perfume of freedom so close now, that it is almost palpable.

I see it now as it starts to consume me… I see them spread as they are lit by the warm flames… I smell burning pine and cinnamon, red is all I see now. 

The shell is falling, my limbs so light and gracious once again. 

I hear violins and the song they sing for me. A song of earth, water, wind and fire, my requiem…

I am reborn, I am free, my light burns brighter and warmer now as I spread my wings and fly into infinity with a wicked smile on my lips and bright eyes full of wonder for the things I had once forgot.

Longings and Loathings - Chapter 10

They were both hungry for something...
The single brush of skin on skin caused lust to arise within their eyes.
There was the unspoken promise of sharing dark secrets and hidden desires that made them both burn and tease each other.
A simple game of hunter and prey where there was no defined part.
They both gave in to make their hungers match and be sated.

They drank from each others bodies with their lavished tongues, they bit on their flesh imprinting their marks on the soft sweaty flesh and it was good.
The mix of sweat, blood and sex creating the most devilish and intoxicating perfume for their heightened senses.
Hands sliding along the damp skin, lips producing sighs and moans of pleasure, flesh against flesh in a daunting dance.
She took control and moved her body to cover his, sliding her lace underwear to the side to allow him entrance into her warm and wet core. She guided him in and slid herself down his full member before starting a slow rocking motion, teasing him more and more as pressed her inner muscles to engulf him even further, tightening herself around him.
His hands travelled her body choosing to lay on her voluptuous breasts, cupping them. The roughness of their touch making her nipples sensitive to the point of pain and exploding in sensation as he pinched them hard enough to make her cry out.
The slow place of her movements replaced by a frenzied ride to ecstasy almost too much for her to hold on to sanity.
He bent forward and where his fingers tortured before now laid his teeth, nibbling and sucking as if he could consume her and devour her whole.
Her hold on control torn to pieces as her ragged breaths and moans filled the four walls in which they stood. She claimed her pleasure selfishly and exploded of pleasure. The contraction of her inner muscles almost bringing him to his release but he wasn't done with her yet.
He placed his hands around her face and kissed her passionately, taunting her with the tip of his tongue before biting her lower lip causing yet another groan to escape from her throat.
He stared into her eyes and her flushed skin before grabbing her by the waist and turning her on her back.
He ran his hands up and down the soft skin of her back, digging his nails into her ass while he positioned himself behind her. Her juices running down her thighs, so slick that he entered her easily in one thrust and stopped there, feeling her tighten around him once again eager for more.
It didn't take long for her to start moving her hips against him but he wouldn't allow it. He firmly placed his hands on her hips holding her in place while she whimpered to feel him move, to feel him fuck her and make her surrender to him.
And then he began his thrusts, quick, hard and deep, he would take his pleasure of her like he enjoyed it the most. He penetrated her to the beat of an insane symphony while she grunted more and more, the intensity and the feelings building up in each move of his hip.
She lost herself in sensation once again and screamed of delight as his palm spanked her ass without mercy of warning. His hand so heavy that she almost lost her balance and fell against the soft pillow.
He stroke her with his hand over and over again until there was no more holding back and he came inside of her with a grunt while his nails pierced the flesh of her hips.

Then he collapsed on top of her still inside and started to kiss and nibble on her shoulders until they both surrendered to the exhaustion of their satiated bodies.
It wasn't love, it was raw and pure desire but on that moment there was no world, just them and lust.

Bits and Pieces - Anaïs Nin Quotes

“There were always in me, two women at least, one woman desperate and bewildered, who felt she was drowning and another who would leap into a scene, as upon a stage, conceal her true emotions because they were weaknesses, helplessness, despair, and present to the world only a smile, an eagerness, curiosity, enthusiasm, interest.”

"I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman."

"Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic."

Bits and Pieces - Hollow

Here I am again
Starting to freeze again
The warmth is slowly evading and I can't complain

My light is burning low
The fuel of my soul running low
How I wish I knew it would escape so slow

No more pain and no more joy
I no longer feel like a toy
No longer a puppet for the world to enjoy

I feel the void creeping over me
I am no longer a slave to that cruel destiny
I was cut loose from the trap you laid for me
No more illusions, no more fantasy

I felt it burn as I turned blue
Burned by the ice, it felt so untrue
Just like a lit cigarette stepped under your shoe

I tried so hard to never come undone
But I looked around and waited for anyone
To take my hand and show me someone

Desire and lust only left me numb
Hollow and shallow, deaf-and-dumb
Just an addiction to any breadcrumb


I feel the void creeping over me
I am no longer a slave to that cruel destiny
I was cut loose from the trap you laid for me
No more illusions, no more fantasy

The emptiness is my protection
I am tired of all the aggression
I know I can't take possession
Of the answer to my silly question...

Can you see me in the shadow?


I feel the void creeping over me
I am no longer a slave to that cruel destiny
I was cut loose from the trap you laid for me
No more illusions, no more fantasy
No more illusions, no more fantasy...
No more fantasy...