Longings and Loathings - Chapter 9

His eyes fell on the door once again as the hour approached. It was not his first time that he indulged in the special practice but something about that time had him on edge.
He had heard about her reputation and skills, waiting for a woman like her made the confidence in himself shake, even if just a little.

He had been with several other partners, some young, some older, unexperienced and knowing and they all seemed to have left his bed fully pleased and awed with his shaft.
His appetites grew wilder as the time passed, he was growing bored of women who just wanted him to go down on them and to finish him off with the customary missionary position, not even the reverse one.

He was certain he could find one that fit most of his intimate desires, he just didn't care to go look for her. He also didn't want just one fulfilled night to then go out again and find a new girl the next day. That was his easy way of having a good time, without strings attached but dedicated enough to what he wanted.

A knock in the door broke him free of his thoughts. He stood up and walked to open it feeling a bit nervous and excited all over again. The moment before letting the woman in was always a thrill for him. Would she be blond, red or brunette? Would she be tall and model type or a gorgeous curvy temptress? He loved the mystery and the surprise of what would be on the other side of the door.

He opened the door and a deliciously rubenesque girl with pale blue eyes and chocolate brown hair looked at him straight in the eye.

"Good evening James."
"Please come in."
"Alison." She supplied.
"Cute name. Please make yourself comfortable Alison. I'll jump in the shower really quick and I'll be right back with you."

She entered the room and laid her bag on a small conformer nearby while he headed for his quick shower. As eager as he was, it was almost painful to walk away without a first taste of her lips but hygiene was imperative for him. He silently begged for her to join him, it would not be the first time he dismissed a girl for not doing so.

He laid his clothes neatly folded over the the toillet seat and stepped into the shower, turning the water on.
He had just applied the shower cream over his body when he heard the door opening and closing. He turned and there she was in all her naked glory.

"Would you mind if I join you?"

He slid the glass door open as a response and watched her luscious body move towards him. She slid her fingers over his chest and smiled.

"I love a clean shaved body, it shows that men care to please and on some it looks so much better."

He gave her another long look and smiled teasingly at her, allowing himself to touch her body for the first time, to touch her also fully shaved body.

"I agree, as much as I love that you share my habit."

He caressed her lower stomach and then shamelessly proceeded to explore her folds gently. She smiled at him for his boldness and comfortable stance, starting to return his attentions on her body by using her hands to tease his already half hard manhood, leaning forward to capture his nipples with her lips while her tongue teased them until they were erect. He wanted her and so he decided to take her right there for round one. 

He turned her and pushed her against the wall, making room for himself by parting her legs with his knee. She pushed her round ass out to rub against his manhood pushing his arousal just a bit further, making him hesitate no further and press forward to penetrate her from behind. It wasn't sensous, it was pure and raw desire, just a fast and hard fuck to take the edge off before more exquisite activities could take place.

Her ragged breaths gave away how close she way to completion but he wasn't willing to let her give in just yet. He slowly redrew himself from inside of her making her whimper. 

"Oh baby girl, not just yet..." 

She composed her flushed body and gave him a snarky smile, the confident look in her eyes and the self-assurance was overwhelming for him and when she pronounced the next words in a smooth sultry tone of voice something in him was lit on fire.

"We'll see about that..."

*

The hours passed by so quickly, he felt exhausted and even though there was nothing he could do to make her stay, he wanted to cuddle her, spoon with her and have a well satisfied sleep. But he couldn't have that. That's why he resorted to this solution over and over again in the first place, no attachment, just lust and satisfaction. 

In a drowsy voice he called her to sit beside his naked body.

"Thank you, Alison. I hope we can meet again."

"Honey, I am afraid that will not be possible."

"Why not?" he retorted.

"Because this... all of this that you create here... It's not what I want. You want sex and that I can give you, but you can't speak the way you do and expect a girl to keep it all just as sex. So goodbye honey and do yourself a favor, stop running as soon as possible. 'Cause when you do, it may be too late, just like it was for me."

She smiled, picked up the envelope in the table and left the room, leaving him with an awed expression. 

"What the hell does that even mean..." 

He knew. 

He couldn't accept it yet, but he knew.

"Damn women..."

Bits and Pieces - Thoughts about rebound

Ah rebounds... who can ever say not to have gone through one of these?

Like my favorite band says "The hardest part of ending is starting again", so most of people engage on what I like to call a false restart a.k.a. rebound.

There are a lot of situations that can lead to a rebound but the most relevant one is that you really had true feelings for your previous partner/ boyfriend/husband, and you left or were made to leave with some sort of damage, whether it is loss, hurt, low self-esteem, self-hate, numbness, a total abandonment of the thought of ever loving someone again or considering the possibility of someone loving you back without eventually leading to the situation you are when at the end of a relationship.

Attention, not all people go through the rebound process, I am aware of that. Some people are actually able to "fix" themselves without a "cane". I say good for them and it only makes them better than the rest and namely me. Oh yes, I'm a rebounder in recovery, just like an ex-addict... we'll get to there.

There are different kinds of rebounds but I can only comment and give my opinion from a woman's perspective and from shared female knowledge. The men will have to forgive me but I've never encountered one that even admitted that he was rebounding or willing to talk about it (What? Me? No woman brings me down... I'm totally over her... Her loss...)

Let's see some of the rebounds:

1) "Multiple one night stands"
The most common type of rebound that happens commonly in nightclubs.
You go have a few drinks to release our inhibitions, relax and when the bad memories start flooding back, you find your mission :  Have sex until you forget your name and without someone you don't want to know the name.

The end result: this can have a lot of consequences, especially because we still live in a society where if men fuck all that moves they are "The MAN", a true playboy and so on, but if you are a woman doing that the word that comes to all minds isn't to appreciate her skills as a seductress, the word is as you already know - whore.
You don't care about your reputation, that's fine, but consider diseases and the dangers you put yourself in for leaving a club with someone you don't know. It may be a killer, a rapist or whatever, what you need to consider is - Is that really going to work for you? Are you going to feel any better by waking up in the bed of some stranger that you intend to never see again?

2) "Revenge Date"
This is what I call the next type of rebound. I called it a date because I don't think we can classify it as a relationship.
You are hurt and you want to hurt someone like you were hurt, so you find that guy that you don't particularly like but is kind of o.k. and you punish that poor bastard for everything you put up with on your previous relationship. He so much as breathe and you fall on him like a hammer of justice. You feel your stress and frustration leave you temporarily and the guy just suffers.

The end result: Unless you choose a masochist or someone with little self love, you are going to get dumped again, because no one is going to put up with that since the beginning, even if they have true feelings for you. Another consequence of this one is the fact that you are the villain, you are becoming the same thing that destroyed you in the first place and you are hurting someone who has no fault of what happened to you and you may be ruining your future chance to have another shot at love.

3) "Fuck buddies style" & 4) "Friends with benefits style"
These are the most complex for me and the most dangerous types of rebounds.
So you have that male/female friend that you have no feelings about but he/she is willing to get down and dirty, so you engage in an agreement that all you will exchange is bodily fluids, no obligations, no strings attached just pure sex. So here is where you draw the borderline on the transition to "FWB".
Until here it's just sex, you finish it, you leave.

The end result: There is no talk, except for the dirty one, no tenderness, nothing. Empty and meaningless sex - which is why eventually you will stop, grow bored because it isn't enough or progress to the next stage.

FWB unlike FB has content. You discuss your day, you have a higher level of intimacy, you might even spend the night and find yourself in a cuddle. You don't lie to one another or pretend to be ok because you don't have to. For me, it's a relationship without calling it that.

The end result: The proximity to an actual relationship makes it easier for you to get involved, even if it is not mutual. When that happens, the whole purpose of the arrangement falls to the ground and you get hurt once again. Instead of helping you heal, it ends up making it worse and that is why I find this type of rebound the most cruel and dangerous one. Eventually someone is going to get hurt and you will lose a friend on top of that.

4) "The dive"
This one is my personal favorite. You have barely licked your wounds but you force yourself to find someone new and start over again because you hate to be alone and don't want to be alone. So you find a nice guy, that will have his flaws and may not be that compatible with you but you choose to overlook it and invest in a full on relationship. You hope that with time you will forget the other guy because the new one is so nice.

The end result: Well, one day you will wake up and realize that you have made a big mistake by letting it drag for a long time. He gave you what you needed and now you are finally ready to move on. The worse part is there is no way to predict when it is going to hit you, if it is after a few months, after you're engaged, married or with kids which can be very complicated and stressful.
There is a reason for that saying that goes like "Never marry your rebound guy", because one day you may wake up and think "Oh shit".

The conclusion is that eventually rebounds end up bringing more bad things upon your hurting heart, ego and self-esteem, than good but when it works it makes you feel good and more empowered and eventually happier. I focused on the negative because it is the part we never think about when starting a rebound relationship but also something we should have always in mind too. You have to be able to decide and consider if it is really worth it or not.

Here is a suggestion, the "Me, myself and I" rebound. Take some time away and be alone to think what went wrong and to rebuild yourself, piece by piece. It won't be as easy as screwing your feelings back into submission but it will have the best effect long term.

Feel free to hit the comments box with your opinions.

(It's great to be back!) xoxo Sofia