Bits and Pieces - Thoughts about rebound

Ah rebounds... who can ever say not to have gone through one of these?

Like my favorite band says "The hardest part of ending is starting again", so most of people engage on what I like to call a false restart a.k.a. rebound.

There are a lot of situations that can lead to a rebound but the most relevant one is that you really had true feelings for your previous partner/ boyfriend/husband, and you left or were made to leave with some sort of damage, whether it is loss, hurt, low self-esteem, self-hate, numbness, a total abandonment of the thought of ever loving someone again or considering the possibility of someone loving you back without eventually leading to the situation you are when at the end of a relationship.

Attention, not all people go through the rebound process, I am aware of that. Some people are actually able to "fix" themselves without a "cane". I say good for them and it only makes them better than the rest and namely me. Oh yes, I'm a rebounder in recovery, just like an ex-addict... we'll get to there.

There are different kinds of rebounds but I can only comment and give my opinion from a woman's perspective and from shared female knowledge. The men will have to forgive me but I've never encountered one that even admitted that he was rebounding or willing to talk about it (What? Me? No woman brings me down... I'm totally over her... Her loss...)

Let's see some of the rebounds:

1) "Multiple one night stands"
The most common type of rebound that happens commonly in nightclubs.
You go have a few drinks to release our inhibitions, relax and when the bad memories start flooding back, you find your mission :  Have sex until you forget your name and without someone you don't want to know the name.

The end result: this can have a lot of consequences, especially because we still live in a society where if men fuck all that moves they are "The MAN", a true playboy and so on, but if you are a woman doing that the word that comes to all minds isn't to appreciate her skills as a seductress, the word is as you already know - whore.
You don't care about your reputation, that's fine, but consider diseases and the dangers you put yourself in for leaving a club with someone you don't know. It may be a killer, a rapist or whatever, what you need to consider is - Is that really going to work for you? Are you going to feel any better by waking up in the bed of some stranger that you intend to never see again?

2) "Revenge Date"
This is what I call the next type of rebound. I called it a date because I don't think we can classify it as a relationship.
You are hurt and you want to hurt someone like you were hurt, so you find that guy that you don't particularly like but is kind of o.k. and you punish that poor bastard for everything you put up with on your previous relationship. He so much as breathe and you fall on him like a hammer of justice. You feel your stress and frustration leave you temporarily and the guy just suffers.

The end result: Unless you choose a masochist or someone with little self love, you are going to get dumped again, because no one is going to put up with that since the beginning, even if they have true feelings for you. Another consequence of this one is the fact that you are the villain, you are becoming the same thing that destroyed you in the first place and you are hurting someone who has no fault of what happened to you and you may be ruining your future chance to have another shot at love.

3) "Fuck buddies style" & 4) "Friends with benefits style"
These are the most complex for me and the most dangerous types of rebounds.
So you have that male/female friend that you have no feelings about but he/she is willing to get down and dirty, so you engage in an agreement that all you will exchange is bodily fluids, no obligations, no strings attached just pure sex. So here is where you draw the borderline on the transition to "FWB".
Until here it's just sex, you finish it, you leave.

The end result: There is no talk, except for the dirty one, no tenderness, nothing. Empty and meaningless sex - which is why eventually you will stop, grow bored because it isn't enough or progress to the next stage.

FWB unlike FB has content. You discuss your day, you have a higher level of intimacy, you might even spend the night and find yourself in a cuddle. You don't lie to one another or pretend to be ok because you don't have to. For me, it's a relationship without calling it that.

The end result: The proximity to an actual relationship makes it easier for you to get involved, even if it is not mutual. When that happens, the whole purpose of the arrangement falls to the ground and you get hurt once again. Instead of helping you heal, it ends up making it worse and that is why I find this type of rebound the most cruel and dangerous one. Eventually someone is going to get hurt and you will lose a friend on top of that.

4) "The dive"
This one is my personal favorite. You have barely licked your wounds but you force yourself to find someone new and start over again because you hate to be alone and don't want to be alone. So you find a nice guy, that will have his flaws and may not be that compatible with you but you choose to overlook it and invest in a full on relationship. You hope that with time you will forget the other guy because the new one is so nice.

The end result: Well, one day you will wake up and realize that you have made a big mistake by letting it drag for a long time. He gave you what you needed and now you are finally ready to move on. The worse part is there is no way to predict when it is going to hit you, if it is after a few months, after you're engaged, married or with kids which can be very complicated and stressful.
There is a reason for that saying that goes like "Never marry your rebound guy", because one day you may wake up and think "Oh shit".

The conclusion is that eventually rebounds end up bringing more bad things upon your hurting heart, ego and self-esteem, than good but when it works it makes you feel good and more empowered and eventually happier. I focused on the negative because it is the part we never think about when starting a rebound relationship but also something we should have always in mind too. You have to be able to decide and consider if it is really worth it or not.

Here is a suggestion, the "Me, myself and I" rebound. Take some time away and be alone to think what went wrong and to rebuild yourself, piece by piece. It won't be as easy as screwing your feelings back into submission but it will have the best effect long term.

Feel free to hit the comments box with your opinions.

(It's great to be back!) xoxo Sofia

Khira Chronicles - The reveal of the fallen (part 2)

Khira left the room closing the door on her way out violently. Zephyr barely moved at such a youth's rage display and remained sipping on the fresh blood inside his goblet.
He waved the servant away and looked outside the window pondering his next move.
The heavy drapes on the edge of the room rustled a little and a feminine voice broke the silence too soon for his liking, but there were bothers to be bared in order for his plans to work. And the Queen was one of them.

"How did it go with the young vampire?"

He took a long sip before turning to face the beautiful female now standing in front of him. He might be old but he still was not unaffected by beauty specially if it came from a real cast and not some half-breed or turned vampire.

"It went as planned. The bastard seemed very affected by the information I gave her. So volatile the younglings, won't you agree Eunice?"
"Raven did a great job too, so I am guessing the mother will be just as enraged."

He looked straight at her and he could almost tell the chill of terror or desire it caused on the poor queen's skin. He stood and moved so quickly she barely saw or sensed him before she feel on her back on to one of the luscious couches that filled the room with him straddling her lap and his tongue on the sensitive neck nape.

"And what happens now Zephyr?"

He looked at her with a devious grin on his face, he leaned down to lick her skin, brushing his fangs dangerously over her neck before replying to her.

"Now, the bastard child turns on the wolves along with the her whore of a mother. The Lamia will no longer have to worry about those rebellions mutts and we can blame their deaths on them before the Elder council." He twirled the liquid inside his goblet and stared at the Chamber queen. "Then you will rule along with me, not on a forgotten city but over all Lamia. The rule of the Kiergartens will be over... forever."

Image by Victoria Frances

                                                                          *


As she approached the Frederick's door step she paused and considered all of what she had learned about her mother and the reasons that led her to leave her behind. More importantly, what did Zephyr had to gain with sharing all that knowledge with her?

She questioned all of her previous doubts, she questioned her upbringing with the pack and Bogart teachings. Had she really been so blind and naive all that time? Had she only been the killing machine, that got her the name and fame as The Sculptress, to serve the purposes of the Lamia natural enemies?
Had the sense of home and belonging been just an act for as long as she played just what they wanted her too and never truly accepting who she really was and the differences between species?

Her mind was racing, everything she ever knew for certain was now covered with a big question mark.
She knocked on the door hoping her mother's previous lover would be able to help her and be the friend he wanted and proclaimed wanting to be.

The girl that Frederick protected as his own daughter opened the door and gave her a lopsided smile.

"You arrived just in time, Khira."
"And why is that so Morgan?"

She gave her silence and simply gestured to the right showing her the path to be taken and smiled once again before shutting the heavy oak door behind them.
Khira walked as led keeping her head down, still trying to decide what to ask first. The she raised her head and stopped frozen under the threshold.

"Mother?..."

Announcement

I am happy to announce that I have created an Youtube channel.
When I have further news I'll let you know.

Happy readings

Khira Chronicles - The reveal of the fallen (part 1)

If there was something that Khira had learned well during her years among vampires was not to trust them and to reveal the full extent of her abilities.
Their ignorance proved to be a powerful weapon if needed, it sure helped her escape to meet the Bojangles pack years ago.
She was just sitting at the local pub when the courier delivered Zephyr's invitation to break fast with him, he assured her of a very amiable vintage meal that she would surely enjoy, but more than offering a quality meal, he offered information on her mother's whereabouts.


"If he knew something, why didn't her say so when introduced to me? Maybe he didn't want the queen or Frederick to hear..."
"Did you say anything love?" Asked the scruffy old hag that tended the bar, she seemed to incorporate every concept of old wicked witch into one human, or not, vessel.
"Just talking to myself Ma'am."


She grumbled something Khira did not understand and resumed to what to seemed an "Morticia Addams" method of cleaning. The rag she used to scrub the counter must have been as old as her and it the true antithesis of clean.
Khira tried to ignore the fact that her bare arms were laying on the counter that must had been cleaned by that rag and returned to her rationalizations.


If her instinct was correct, Zephyr had something up his sleeve and the fact that he was an Elder so far away from the official Lamia court did not help her suspicions. He was up to something and by agreeing to meet him, she might be placing herself deliberately in danger.


"What's life without a little danger?" She said loudly before running her tongue over her fangs. "Might as well enjoy the meal and who knows? I may be wrong..."
"What?" The old witch yelled back to her.
"Nothing Ma'am, here is my expense." She got up and headed to find Zephyr's place of residence.


The old witch cursed and muttered to herself while watching Khira leave. "Damned young people, no manners..."


Khira didn't take long to find the location described in the message, she pondered for a few seconds if she should maybe warn Frederick of where she was but then she started remembering all his clingy attitude and quickly decided that it was better to depend only on her own as she had been taught.


Before she could knock on the door, it squeaked and opened for her revealing a very pleased vampire on the other side. He had a traditional japanese robe, the lantern Hakama, and his silvery hair was neatly pulled back in a high ponytail.


"Welcome, young one. Please do come in." The pointed with his arms the direction she should follow and she entered calmly, trying to take in as much information as possible about the place she had just entered. 


For a lion's lair, it looks quite fashionable. Let's just hope I don't become the lamb...


Zephyr lead her through the hallway until he reached a small living room, with a very cosy feel. The three sofas that populated the space looked extremely comfortable and the matching pillows added a welcoming feel to the room. It was anything but what she expected to find in the house of an Elder, stone walls and hard wood benches would me so much more in time with the owner, but she also guessed that for him to survive for so many centuries, at least she guessed that it would be his age, would have adapted to more current trends but still she was expecting the cliché. 


If she couldn't follow the preconceptions and common notions about the old ones, then she really was about to enter total unknown territory with Zephyr. The monarchs of the Lamia were old and powerful but the Elders were in a totally different category of power and might.


"Please do sit down Khira." 


She picked a long sofa across from where he was standing and sat down crossing her legs, she would play cool and relaxed until need of other stance. 


"So, this information you claimed to have, sir, will you be willing to share it now that I am in your presence?"
"Ah... the haste of youth... All in good time, dear Khira. Shall we not feed first?" He pushed a small button that had remained unnoticed by her until then and shortly after a maid entered with a child no older than 5 years in front of her and carrying an elegant decanter that resembled an hourglass filled with a rich dark colour in her hands.


"Do you like yours straight from the source? Or perhaps a bit more fresh?"

Bits and Pieces - Thoughts on BDSM

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Bits and Pieces - Thoughts on BDSM

(Please note that by writing this post I am not assuming a position regarding the subject, all I intend is to share my findings, opinions and have an open mind about the subject. Apologies in advance if I fail to mention something correctly.)

This is a topic that I have been approaching in my stories on Longings and Loathings and what we may call a taboo.

It is only now, after a lot of investigation and long talks with fans of BDSM that I call it a lifestyle rather than some special fetish or kink. In the beginning, much like everyone that doesn't understand what it is really about, I tried to understand motivations, assumed that there must be some reason on their life or upbringing that lead to that tendency.

It was when I where on my MMORPG escapes a few months ago, that I came across with some other players that were/are fond of this kind of lifestyle. It was something that immediately spiked my curiosity and I needed to learn more about it.

First I looked for the basics, the meaning of BDSM, what is a slave, a pet, a switch, a Domme, a Master, Gorean relationships, a Sam, vanilla and so on.

(These notions will be added in the end of this post in case you are unfamiliar with the topic as I was).

The first big lesson that I learned was that even though that acronym is used as a category each of that letters can exist without the others or in different combinations. There are people that enjoy Bondage but are not Masochists or Dominants that are not Sadists.

Like the imaginative person I am, I had a lot of theories:

. Men that submit willingly must be men that seek refuge from their empowered lives and use it as an escape route.
.Women who impersonate a dominant persona do so as a way to break their housewives routine and their inability to deal with not having control over their own lives.
. Women have a natural tendency to submit as they have mostly done that throughout history.
. Men/Women who like masochism are turned on by it as a consequence of early age psychological damage or abusive childhoods.

These are some examples and after some "interviews" I came to the conclusion that I was wrong.
There may be in fact some people to whom my theories in fact are correct but for the majority of them it was not the case.

After I understood it a bit better, I started looking for examples in the most simple things on the daily routine of the people around me and labeling it with the names that our society is so afraid to use.

If you like rough sex with bites, nails digging into the skin and a little spank, my friend I must say you like pain, hence you are a masochist. If you like to do these things to others, you are a sadist.
If you like to push your partner on to the bed, against the wall, rip off their clothes and ravish him/her, or you enjoy having several women/men at your feet then you are dominant. If you follow every order that your husband/wife gives you even if it something that makes you uncomfortable, if you know he/she cheats on you and you remain playing houses, I am sorry to bring it to you but you are a submissive.
And finally if you enjoy feeling trapped, whether it is by the use of force or with some fluffy handcuffs that you can't get out of, well I guess you are into bondage.

Of course, these notions are not so simple as I write them above, these are examples that show that even though you peacefully live your "vanilla" life, there are practices and every day things that you do and even enjoy that can be classified as part of BDSM. Naturally all of these things can be done very softly or taken to the extreme.

Take for example the wedding rings, they are a sign of "ownership", they mean that you are connected to someone, that you have a commitment to someone. Isn't it the same purpose as the use of the collar? Once again, it is a matter or taking things to different levels of intensity.

I know that the idea of having people calling themselves slaves and Masters/Mistresses can be quite offending or even revolting after so many years of people protesting and fighting against slavery, but there is a huge difference here. These so-called slaves are slaves willingly so can we even compare? Also before engaging in any kind of activities both parts agree on limits. They decide how far they can go and agree in safe words to stop the "play" at anytime it becomes too much.

The conclusion I reached was that every people is free to do whatever they want to do as long as it doesn't interfere with the other's freedom. What goes on behind your bedroom doors it's your business alone but maybe, just maybe you shouldn't be too quick to judge or even point the finger at something you don't know well or understand.

These men and women are happy in their lives and feel complete to their most basics needs, whether it is by being tied up, spanked because they were "bad", because they feel in total control or even completely at someone's mercy. Whether it is a fetish or even an escape route from their lives, it is their own choice and you can continue to live your "vanilla" life in peace, no one will bother you without permission. If there is something that the BDSM community respects are limits. You decide where to stop and can always say no.

Let's face it, I was quick to assume a lot about something I knew nothing about.
Even though I am aware that I would never allow myself to be humiliated by a man or to submit to one, or even that I love to control whatever is around me.
I guess that makes me a bit dominant, but does it change the fact that I don't like to see mistreated or abused women/men? Does admitting that we have sides to us that are not politically correct or that are not morally accepted change the person you are?

No, it just makes you less of an hypocrite.

********************************

 BDSM is an erotic preference and a form of sexual expression involving the consensual use of restraint, intense sensory stimulation, and fantasy power role play. The compound initialism BDSM is derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D or B/D), dominance and submission (D&S or D/s), and sadism and masochism (S&M or S/M). BDSM includes a wide spectrum of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures.

Activities and relationships within a BDSM context are characterized by the participants usually taking on complementary, but unequal roles, thus the idea of consent of both the partners becomes essential. Typically participants who are active – applying the activity or exercising control over others – are known as tops or dominants. Those participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by their partners are typically known as bottoms or submissives. Individuals who alternate between top/dominant and bottom/submissive roles — whether from relationship to relationship or within a given relationship — are known as switches.^[1]

The Gorean philosophy is a philosophy espoused in the science fiction novels by John Norman. A number of fans of Norman's work have attempted to live their lives according to this philosophy^[1][2]

The most conspicuous Gorean departure from mainstream modern norms is that Goreans promote sexual master-slave relationships. Some of this philosophy is concerned with "order of nature" and the relations between men and women, which may or may not take the form of a master-and-slave dynamic.

SAM- SAMs are masochists who don't know how to simply ask for what they want. Instead, they make a game of making people genuinely upset so that they will get punished. They avoid tops who are phlegmatic and cool-tempered, and target the ones who are hot-blooded and short-tempered - on purpose. 

Vanilla - Vanilla sex (or conventional sex) is a description of what a culture regards as standard or conventional sexual behaviour. Different cultures, subcultures and individuals have different ideas about what constitutes this type of sex. Often, it is interpreted as sex which does not involve such elements as BDSM, kink, or fetish activities.

Note: these definitions are not my own, they were redrawn from Wikipedia and notes about SAM's were redrawn from http://lauragoodwin.org/sam.htm. You can search the web for further information on this topic, information is easily found although some may be unadvisable.

Longings and Loathings - Chapter 8

Martha entered the dark room enveloped in her velvet dark cape, her mask was nicely secured over her eyes and she was feeling confident no one would ever recognize her or that anyone she knew would ever be in such a place. She felt her insides agitate a little to her last thought.

Honestly?
Who would ever in their perfect sense imagine good old Martha in there too? Appearances are so delusive.


She steadily walked to the cabinet where the numbers were placed and looked for the room key where her partner for the evening would be. The organization guaranteed a perfect match to each of the participants and she admitted to herself to be more than a little curious.


They also provided all the accessories required in closed boxes to assure the participants of the hygiene and clean policy they had. They also made sure that once you signed in before your membership was approved that you would deliver relevant blood work every six months.

She held her key between her fingers and followed the indications of the staff to where she would find the room. She recalled how she had decided to adventure herself into a secret club and how much she found that there was a meaner person inside of her, no just plain-jane Martha like everyone assumed when they looked at her.

She reached the door and entered the room. She was still alone and relief cursed through her body, she still had time to get to know the space and the imagine the possibilities before having a pair of eyes on her expecting her to know everything and control everything out of the blue. 

Experimentation is always required before one can reach perfection, she thought.

She entered the bathroom and removed her cape, leaving her in a leather body and high boots. The black lace mask remained on her face as well as her lace fingerless gloves. After a few moments she heard the door open and close, she took a deep breath and went to meet her slave for the night.

At the sound of her heels he snapped into position and knelt into a beautiful Nadu in front of her. His back perfectly straight with his stomach in, his palms were resting on top of his knees facing up, revealing that he was waiting. His eyes didn't leave the ground and she knew right there that he was a very well trained specimen. 

"Boy, you are going to obey my every wish. I do not wish to know your limits, you will have to rely on my better judgement. Understood?"

"Yes Mistress."

She moved around the room and pickup up a flogger. She moved intently to him and kissed his skin with her new found toy.

"Address me as Ma'am, I have not taken you as mine to have you address me as mistress. You are not worthy of being under my care."

"Yes Miss."

She took a moment to assess her character and moved to face the boy toy kneeling on the floor. She placed her fingers under his chin and raised his face towards her so she could get a good long look of what she had for the evening. She tried to recall the signals advised and gestured for him to move to the four pole bed and sit.

She went behind him trying to keep her composure and neatly tied his hands behind his back. After making sure the rope was secure, she guided him to lay back.

"Do you think you impress me with your Nadu and your silence? You are just another worthless wanker that wanders about." 

To this the pretty boy reacted by trying to move from the bed and leave, she moved to take hold of his sack and tightened her grip on it while ordering him.

"Down!" His body stiffened to her command and lowering his eyes again he laid back on the bed. She restrained his feet on the bed poles and moved to get some clamps. "You are going anywhere. Now shall we see how you react to pain?" She saw him attempting to control himself, trying to stay as still as possible.

"Poor you... scared now?" She held up a leather string so that he could see and began to tie his balls shortly after. She tied them tight, placing each testi apart. He was in pain, she could tell and the fact that he seemed to calm only roused her more to test his boundaries. She placed each clamp on the length of his member, stretching the skin on both sides. Once she was satisfied with the visual effect, she climbed on the bed and sat on his face. "Eat me boy."

He used his tongue with skill and technique. It was clear to her that he was used to these scenarios and that he had been very well trained. After a few moments her mind stopped rambling and all she felt was his lips and tongue building up to her orgasm.

After she was fully satisfied, she climbed down and kissed his lips feeling her own taste on his skin. She removed the clamps from the now fully hard member and released his hands. She sat down on nearby chair and ordered him to tease himself and climax. From there she watched as he enjoyed the feel of her eyes on him, the feel of his hand stroking the twitching member.

Before he was finished recovering from the spams of his body, she put on her cape and left the room leaving him wide eyed watching her leave without a word. As the door closed behind her, she heard is shaky voice.

"Thank you Miss."

On her way home she reflected on the night. Sure she had her pleasure but she did not have fun as she expected. He was a fine man, sexy and good looking but he was too tame for her. He did not struggle as she wanted, she did not have the chance to show him her superiority as he did not put up a fight. 

She looked at the club's card one more time and tossed it into the fireplace where the flames devilishly were eating away the wood. It was not what she expected. She took a hot bath and was preparing to sleep as the phone ringed.

"Hello?"

"Ms Travis, this is Ryan from the office. I wonder if I could stop by and give you the prints you requested earlier."

"I'm sure it can wait for tomorrow Ryan."

"But you told me to get them ready as soon as possible. I haven't even gone home yet to have them ready."

"Be careful with that tone, boy..." 

"I will be there to deliver your stupid prints in 10 minutes." Then he hang up.

"That brat!" She tried to calm down from his insolence, considering to just fire him for the behavior.

She looked at the burning flames for a moment in silence and an idea dawned on her. A wicked smile crept to her lips as the door bell rang.

"Martha, Martha... You wanted a rebel, I guess I get to have my wish for the evening after all..." She said to herself as she moved like a feline to the door, already imagining the feel of leather rubbing against her as she rode him.